Looking Back

I have met all kinds of people in my walk through life I have met those who wanted to help me, those who wanted to harm me, those who didn’t understand me but still wanted to find out more about me as well as those who refused to understand who I was as an individual. I have had those who have spoken life unto me when I was lost striving to find the meaning of my life, in addition to those whom have tried to break me as well kill any chance that I could have had to make any of my dreams comes true. This isn't a sad story so stick with me please I have lived my life out suitcases and bags I have had to leave so many things that held sentimental value to me behind due to me never really having a place to call home. Since the time I left home and started dealing with people I have been pushed to the brink of hatred, but God never let me fall into the dark hole he pulled me back in and allowed all those emotions to be turned into love so when I say things like “self-love can heal self-inflected wounds” please know that I am speaking from experience.

He allowed those hurtful things to become fuel for my purpose to get others to understand that there is power in loving, accepting, and forgiving all things that happens in one’s own life. I never forgot how it felt to be homeless, loveless, or lost as well as the feeling that there was God somewhere in the heavens look after me due to one person’s random act of kindness towards me my joy comes from realizing what was holding me back from making progress in life. 

There are a couple of events that had embedded chains of the past into my soul that I refused to see I never thought that the hardships from child hood, the hurtful words from my teenage years, the death of a child at a very young age as well as losing another one to the state due to family issues, or the bitter mean people that I encountered during my adult life had such an effect on me these things hurt my self-esteem and damaged the way I felt about myself.  God spoke one word that summed up what I had to do in order to find healing and it was “forgiveness”. Once I made up my mind to follow the doctor’s orders so to speak and simply let it all of those things go I could feel change slowly creeping up on me, I will admit the effects were not felt right away but over time I could see the effects that letting go had caused which then opened doors to other things in my subconscious that made me feel incomplete things like the lack of a high school education, wanting to go to college and most important not loving myself enough.

I am pleased to say that I am now set free from those chains and not weighed down by the hurtful things in my past, upon being set free I was given a gift that truly I paid the price for which leads me to where I am today a poet not by choice but by calling. I went back to school got my High School Diploma as well as enrolled myself into college I am both head and heart strong not in the since that I refuse to listen to others but in the sense that I know who I am and I know my worth after all it is the criticism of others that brought me to where I am today.